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Too often, we set goals based on outcomes that we can’t control:

-Lose 10 lbs in a month
-Earn an extra $1,000 a month
-Sign a book contract with a major publishing company
-Get married
-Get a dream job

The problem with goals like this is that they rely on factors outside of our control. Having goals like this can lead to frustration, resentment, and heartbreak. We shouldn’t put our happiness into other people’s hands, making our version of success dependent on other people’s decisions.

The best we can do is to do our best. Create goals around EFFORT rather than specific achievements. Instead of setting a goal to lose 10 lbs, set a goal to track your meals for 30 days. Or take a walk every day for 30 days. No matter what, you will have created a healthy habit, and you WILL feel better at the end of that month. If you tie your goal to losing 10 lbs. in that same 30 days, you are likely to give up and start laying on the couch stuffing your face once you realize you’ll never achieve your goal (I speak from experience, ha ha).

Recently, I finally finished a novel. My goal was to finish (it took me 10 years), and now my goal is to start sending it out to agents to see if I can get representation. However, my goal is NOT agent representation. That is out of my control. My goal is to send out at least one query letter a week. I plan to do this for one year, for a total of 50 queries, and then I will investigate ways to self-publish. I just want people to read my writing. I want to build consistent writing habits and enjoy the writing process. I have zero control over whether or not somebody out there likes my book. All I can do is focus on writing more, improving my writing, and sending my book out for feedback.

Start making EFFORT related goals (what steps can you take to improve) rather than OUTCOME related goals (relying on the decisions of another person).